| life is good |
[22 Sep 2008|01:07pm] |
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well not good but ok I got really depressed for a while and really wanted to get high but I didn't yay me. I am going to school. ummmm yeah well I am out of time for the computer so bye I'll try to post something else sooner rather then later
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[05 Aug 2008|09:48am] |
it looks like Thusday is pretty open so if anyone wants to vsit post here
There will be more pics when T isn't standing here biting me
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[31 Jul 2008|12:09pm] |
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I am in Bellingham till the 8th /Life is going good I would love to hear from people to see people you can get ahold of me by calling my dad or posting here. I went to the bethy show lasst night and had a blastit was good seeing everyone that was there I will be there next week too so if all else fail with seeing people I'll be there so everyone should come out and see me.
in sf: I got my own apt in the tenderloin it is a crappy area but it is my own place so it is ok. well I'll go for now miss T doesn't want me to be on the computer, my mom is trying to keep her occupied but there is only so much you can do with a setermined two year old.
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[10 Apr 2008|02:12pm] |
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Taylor is saying "I love you mommy" But it sounds more like "I la da mommy" It is so cute I'll say I love you Taylor" then she will say "I la da mommy".
I'm at union square and there is a buddist monk all dressed in bright ass orange robes taking pics with asian tourists.
the olympic torch is here in the city and there have been sp meny protests about tibet and the fulun gong people and Darfur its been pretyy crazy the night the torch came to town monday i think someone threw a molotai (whatever he hell) coctail at the balcony of the apt of a friend of one of the official people that came with the torch. Pretty fuckin crazy huh.
ummmm not much else going on though
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[09 Apr 2008|10:21am] |
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Still waiting to move I'm really scared about it. I mean I have never lived on my own befor let alone on my own with a toddler that drives me insane. I have become used to being able to ask someone to watch her so I can smoke or shower or like now the supporviser of the house is watching her so can get on the computer. Though it will be nice to live closer to all my meetings and not have to hurry to get home by midnight sence it can take me up to 1.5 hours to get home from some of my meeting depending on how long I need to wait for the train. plus I'll be living near some of my friends and I know that they will be able to help me with T.
I'v been going down on my methadone I am now doun to 40 mg. yay me I hope to off in about a year or so. It has been going really well I have been tapering nice and slowly and haven't had any withdral symptoms or cravings.
Taylor is getting so big she weighs 35 lbs already, and wears size 4T they are a little long but not that much. she loves to sing it is so cute, I want to get a camcorder and tape her. though she never doe it when she thinks anyone but me is paying attention.
My camera broke so no new pic of us till I get my new camera in June from my mom. then I'll be able to post some pics of us I might see if I can get people to take pic and email them to me though.
I have lost like 25 lbs sence you guys last saw me. yay me
I'm going to take the placment test for school soon I'm really nervious about that to.
I guess that is all for now :)
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| housing |
[24 Mar 2008|05:38pm] |
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My housing has come in I still have to do the interviews and all the buricratic shit and the building im moving in to I have some history with but it is ok I feel comfortable with my recovery at the moment that everything will be ok. It will be my own place just me and T. It will be right by the clinic closer to my meetings so I think everything will be just fine.
I got a laptop for my birthay and just got it all set up. My friend helped me and now he is watching T so I can do this.
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| stuff that is happening |
[04 Feb 2008|01:40pm] |
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so I spent the weekend with the guy I was seeing and decided that I didn't want to see him anymore.....
Last week I met a girl that is really cool and now I totally have a girl crush on her hopefully we will be going out for coffee this week.
Taylor got her first hair cut it is like 1.5 inches long and really cute
I'm trying to find a place to move into so I can get out of the hell hole called Jelani Transitional
So far no luck damn SF is expensive
I need to get a new stroller
I'm feeling kinda depressed
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[29 Jan 2008|05:45pm] |
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I am sure my dad has already told most of you but I am not going to be moving up there at this time or anytime soon really. I have been slacking off on my recovery and even to the point that I thought that when I got up there that it would be ok for me to drink occasionally. then I met a guy that is really into his recovery and not because of him I am staying but seeing him with his recovery made me realize that that is what I need. and I know that my higher power brought him to me just for that reason wether we stay dating for a while or not I needed to look at my recovery and get it back on track. so I am now going to more meetings trying to find a new sponser and actially reading the litature. I was really looking forward to moving back but right now I need to think of what is best for Taylor and me and anyways I can always move up there later but I can't always move back down here if things go bad up there.
on a diffrent note I have lost like almost 15 lbs sence I was last up there and a total of like 25 lbs alltogather
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| SCA |
[06 Sep 2007|12:43pm] |
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I was looking up what shire I live in and it is the Shire of Cloondara I think or something like that and I think I am going to go to the business meeting next tuesday and try to see about going to some events down here maybe.
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| Back is SF |
[06 Sep 2007|12:05pm] |
The plane ride was pretty good Taylor cried a little from Bellingham to Seattle then she fell asleep for the last 10 minutes but as soon as we landed I woke her up because i wan'ted her to be able to fall asleep from Seattle to San Francisco. for the first Hour she flirted with the guy sitting next to us on the plane it was cute he was looking at a cataloge they had on the plane and she would point to stuff and he would tell her what it was. I must say I really lucked out the guy that sat next to us was really good with Taylor he played with her talked to her he even held her for a sec so I could get her sippy cup. but she was so flirting with him she was touching his hand his arm and she was trying to take his hat and his sunglasses then she was trying to poke his nose but i wouldn't let her do that that was just kinda pushing it I think. Then the last hour of the she fell asleep.
Nothing exciting has happened sense I got here. well I talked to my dad about movinig back in febuary and it looks like it is going to happen I just told him he needs to look into DSHS and see if I can have insurance as well as wealfare I sure hope so but and he also has to have his bathroom fixed and his place compleatly spotless it it is clean when I get there I can keep it clean but right now it is so dirty I wouldn't know where it begin to clean it.
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[02 Sep 2007|07:39pm] |
I have been thinking and remember this is just a thought.... of telling my dad that if he gets his bathroom fixed along with other repairs this place needs and if he has this place spotless that in non less then 6 months I just MIGHT just move back here. That would give me time to get all my shit togather that I need to and give Dan my dads room mate time to find a new place and him to find out if I could get health insurance threw dshs and if it would cover methadone and what not or if it didn't how much it would cost.
I have had such an amazing time up here it has really made me miss living up here and right now the way things are going I don't really like where I am living at the moments and even though unlike some people living there I am not court ordered to live there but I just don't have any other place to go. Don't get me wrong I love living in SF I just don't like hearing gunshots every couple of days.
The SCA event was so much fun it was great seeing people I hadn't seen in a long time Like Fiaka, Mikey, Tamara, Ross, Don(I don't think many of you know this Don), That one Canadian lady, Molly, Brooksana, Tanaile, Rachel, Rachel, Mandy, Alan, Rory, Mark,Jessica, Wiggles and everybody else that I can't seem to think of of or remember names. Taylot loved the event too she loved being able to run around in the grass because in SF she isn't allowed in the grass (needles could be hiding in it). She also really loved the fire dancing, it was cute her eyes got all big and she was clapping and saying "wow" and "yay."
Then after the event I went to my moms from friday threw tuesday morning. We got to go swimming in the pool, Taylor moves swimming as long aqs she is attached to me she wouldn't let my mom hold her but it was ok. Then on monday we went out to the beach and it was right beforeher nap time it was low tide so we walked out to the water. T didn't like walking over the mucky parts so we had ti carry her then on the way back she was so tired that we had to carry her the 1/4 mile way back she is heavy like 31 1/2lbs. then we napped then my bro came over we swam she would let him hold her in the water for a few minutes but still not my mom. then on tues back to my dads we went to dinner at my dads friends house.
Wednessday went to the betty show agian saw alot of people I hadn't seen in a long time including Tina, Lonny, Shannon, Glen, Eric, Trish, Max, Layla, Mike, Johan and many more. It was so much fun I got to dance I miss dancing. I got to hang out and talk to people, It was so much fun. I didn't really do anything on Thursday cause it was Raining. Then on Friday I hung out with Reina, that was fun. Saturday my mom took me shopping, I got new shoes and new boots. then today I went to the 'shoe then back to my dads Brandon came over for about an hour and played with Taylor we watched teenage mutant ninja turtles the new movie. It was cute. Then we took a nap and just now woke up.
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[31 Aug 2007|11:04am] |
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still no ID but last night i went to the airport and sense I have my old ID that has my maiden name along'
with a bank card and ebt card with my married name that that should work but Ill have to be on the special search thing which means they'll literally go threw all my stuff and frisk me but at least I'll be going home
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| I had a REALLY fun weekend |
[26 Aug 2007|05:51pm] |
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I'll get to the weekend in a sec.....
first though the thursday morning the 23rd I woke up at 4 am even though I didn't have to wake up till 4:30 then couldn't get back to sleep for that extra half hour so I got up got ready to go and when my ride got there left for the airport. got to the airport I got them to change my seet to one that had an empty seat next to it but I had to wait for eveyone else to board to see if anyone doesn't show up because it had been compleatly booked blah blah blah got on the plane Taylor slept fron SF to Seattle then from Seattle they moved me agian so I would have an empty seat but instead of sleeping this time she screamed the entire way
my dad picked me up we went to the black drop then we got to my dads saw Reina took a nap ate pizza
friday I went shopping with my mom had fun then went to the event the first night got to see alot of people I haven't seen in a while had fun stayed up really late because I wasn't used to all the noise of events so I stayed up till about oh 3 or 4 am. Friday night was kinda hard though because I really wanted to drink but then saterday night was alot easier Bethany and Jessica watched Taylor for me so I could go out and have fun and try to find fun *wink wink* because damn it I deserved it though when I went out looking couldn't find any then I went back to the temple to go to bed with my baby there it was. I didn't have sex but I got to fool around and had alot of FUN!!!!! and I fucking deserved it lets see it had been at least 10 months to a year sence I had sex over 2 years sence I had even somewhat good sex and over 4 year sence I had good sex with out drugs so damn it even though I didn't have "sex" it was still better then any of the sex I had with my ex sence I stoped using over two years ago.... so Yes Beth is really fucking happy. that is prolly more then you needed to know but oh fucking well.
I'm at my moms out at Jacobs landing in birch bay she got me my own condo to stay at so I'll be here till tuesday morning then I go back to my dads
I'll be at the betty show on wednessday then thurs going to see my grand parents then I'm not sure about this weekend my dad is going to a clothing optional thing for the wet spot i think and talor cant go so im not going so i dont know what is going on for the next weekend then i leave monday
I haven't really realized how much I miss bellingham sca the manor but I really miss everyone part of me really wishes I could stay up here but I can't right now though I don't want Taylor to go to school in sf so I just might move up here when she is 4 or 5.
well I guess that is all for now if anyone wants to get ahold of me but not till tuesday call me on my dads phone 3six0two2three3five4two
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[11 Aug 2007|12:55pm] |
less then two weeks till I'll be up there I am so excited I can't wait.
Not much going on down here except getting ready to go uo there. Yay!!!!
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[30 Jul 2007|11:44am] |
court went well Mike is not allowed to have any contact with Taylor. if he does want contact with Taylor he has to patition the court and confince the judge that it would be in Taylor's best intrest for him to be in her life and if he want's unsuporvised visits he has to go to a program and attend a paranting class designed for taking care of toddlers.
I talked to the cordinator of the transitional house i live in and she said that i can go up to wa the end of Aug. for 1 1/2 weeks as long as I keep my room clean and do all my chores and other stuff like that and the clinic will give me the extra take homes if they won't give me the extera take homes then I can only be there for a week. So yay I can't wait to see everybody, I am so excited. I'll be up for Warren war and sept crown yay :) and the week in between, I'll be at my dads show and other stuff.
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[17 Jul 2007|08:20pm] |
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Court is on thursday and then sense I am about 99% sure Mike won't show up I'll have ful custody of Taylor and I'll ask that Mike not get any visits with Taylor untill he has at least 3 months sober (3 months of giving clean UAs to an outside sorce at least I hope on that part) 3 months of anger managment before he can even petition the courts for supovised visits.... well that is what I'm asking for and I'm sure it'll work out though
I gotta run Taylor is screaming it is bed time.
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[10 Jul 2007|03:22pm] |
On friday I'll have 2 years clean. :)
So why don't I fweel any better? I'm so comfused and scared I'm scared about all this responsability
(on a compleatly diffrent note I'm at the library and Taylor is talking to herself and ever once in a while she'll talk really loud but only like every 5 to temn minutes is she loud and the librarian comes up to me for the second time the first she just told me food wasn't alloud and I told her I was trying keep Taylor from yelling and now she tells me that this is not working and she is being too loud and that it is bothwering other people and I need to try to get her to be quiet, I tell her that she really isn't being that loud and I can't controll her then i ask her if she has any kids and she walks off not answering me so I ask her agian and she ignorts me so obviasly the bitch doesn't have any kids and doesn't know what she is talking about asking me try get her to be quieter I canm't I can try to give her stuff to entertain her better but that not the problem she is entertaining her self just too loudly I guess I mean fuck she could be screaming oh well though)
back to what I'm scared about being an adult about going to school agian about eventially having to get a job the only job I have ever really had I got fired because I couldn't handle the stress about it and would freak out. I'm scared about going back to school and haveing it be like everyotrher time I have been in schooling (sorry I'm going really fast because they kicked me out) anmd I just fucking couldn't do it. i am really starting to thinkl that mike was partly right that I can't fucking do it on my own I do need him but I can't do it
there was more I wanted to write but she is screaming I gotta go
(I just got told to fucking leave I can't fucking believe this bull shit)
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[26 Jun 2007|11:19am] |
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Mike lost his visits with Taylor. He yet agian didn't show up to his visit w/ Taylor so they took us off the schedule he could get them back but I doubt he'll even try. We have court next month and I'm going to ask that he not get eny visits at all untill he can prove sobriety for at least 3 months then we can start him w/ suppervised visits agian and see where we go from there. He is such an ass. But hey at least I don't have to worry about taking Taylor up there and telling her that she is going to see dady and him not being there.
Things are going alright I guess though I'm really stressed out about it being the end of the month and not having any money I hate the end of the month. but oh well such is life at least I don't have to worry about food though. :)
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